Pink Green Blue

Newton Knows Best by Hourglass nomineeEntirelyToo

Rating: PG. Created: November 26th, 2005. Updated: May 24th, 2006. Read Reviews (46)
Disclaimer: Characters, the magical world, etc, is property of J. K. Rowling and Warner Bros, not the owner of this fic.

'Allo all! This is a short little chapter story, incorporating Newton's three laws of motion, one chapter for each law..

Which means it will be only three chapters long. It's just a matter of writing the other two now.

Read and review, minions!


Disclaimer: A Writer in Denial tends to Stay in Denial unless forced to write a Disclaimer. Don't own it.

Newton Knows Best Chapter One:

The First Law

Lily Evans was pissed off.


She sat at her desk in Potions and stared straight ahead, gripping her quill so tightly that it was very much on the verge of snapping. Her hands were shaking violently, and the ink in her quill was slowly creating a large black blot on her perfectly organized potions notes as the sharp tip steadily scratched a hole through the thick paper. Blood was rushing to her face so that it was very close to matching her hair, and she was sure that if she did not get out of that classroom soon she would be spending more time in detention than Sirius Black spent on his hair.

And that was saying something.

He began speaking again, and her blazing green orbs snapped up from boring into the rough wood of the desk in front of her of her and fixate on the back of his despicable, ridiculously unfair, bald head. It took all the willpower she kept on tap to restrain herself from chucking her cauldron full of perfectly brewed potion at him and hoping to high Hogsmeade that the impact would knock him out.

And cause him to sprout numerous, painful, puss-filled boils.

And make him think he was a woman for awhile due to his addled brains.

And, after the fact, make him remember that he was not, in reality, a woman, but still know that for awhile there he was firmly convinced he was.

And make him nullify the detention.

Yes, he didn’t have to do any of those other things as long as he nullified the detention.

Really, she thought she might not have been so able to restrain herself if it were not for the particular potion they had been brewing that day. It was Amortentia, love potion, expertly brewed by herself, and she had more than full confidence that it was perfectly done and extremely effective. Thus her hesitation to chuck across the room. It was most definitely ‘O’ work, and she really didn’t fancy him fawning all over her until the effects wore off.

The thought made her shudder.

“It generally isn’t a good sign when one’s whole body begins shaking in anger. High blood pressure, you know. You might have a stroke or something. And I, personally, would be highly devastated if you fell into an anger-induced coma.”

That particular voice whispering in her ear didn’t do anything whatsoever to quell her anger, either. She didn’t trust herself not to speak below 282.7 decibels at that particular moment in time, so she merely gripped her quill harder and kept staring straight ahead, looking for all the world as if she were merely attempting to master the impossible task of shooting the Avada Kedavra curse out of her eyes to strike the man lecturing from the front of the dungeon.

“I think you’re wearing a hole in your desk. I would stop if I were you. They give detentions for destruction of school property, I should know.”

She ignored the persistent voice whispering softly in her left ear and scooted over slightly in her seat to distance herself from the speaker.

It didn’t work.

“You’re going to snap that thing if you don’t stop white-knuckling it. It would be a shame, really. Very nice quill you have there.”

She made no response except to take a deep breath in an attempt to control herself and not attack the voice with a vengeance worthy of a Hippogriff who’s been told the former half of its name is quite the excellent description of its hindquarters.

“Yes, deep breaths might help. Though I’ve always thought a nice broom ride does the trick best. You could try counting backwards from twenty, I guess, if you’re not one for flying.”

The quill snapped, and so did Lily. She whipped around to face the speaker, her eyes flashing dangerously and her hair fanning around her face in a wreath of wrathful flames.

It was, in most people’s opinions, quite the frightening picture.

“JAMES POTTER! If you don’t shut up, I’m going to stick this quill up your-“

Luckily, the bell rang just at this moment, and many the innocent ear was saved from forceful loss of naïvete when her voice was drowned out by the noise of a restless Potions class scrambling to leave a dark and oppressive Dungeon.

“You should’ve tried counting backwards from twenty.”

Lily stood up, breathing heavily and gripping fiercely in her hand her snapped quill, which was now leaking black ink into the crevasses of her palm. James Potter sat before her, smiling innocently and holding out a quill towards her.

“I told you you were going to snap it. It’s alright though, I have one you can borrow.” He gestured towards her with the hand holding the quill, the wispy feathers protruding from the stiff shaft fluttering slightly from the movement.

She opened her mouth to retort, and was cut off by him.

“Miss Evans, I will be expecting you here at 8 p.m. sharp tonight to serve your detention. We will discuss the nature of your next detention at that time.”

Lily whipped around to face the original object of her mighty rage, Professor Splintertoe.

“My next detention!” she exclaimed, “What for?”

Professor Splintertoe raised an eyebrow, “For the use of foul language in my classroom. Professor Slughorn may not be present today, Miss Evans, but that is hardly reason for you to neglect the rules. Cursing is not permitted. I expected you to know such things, I’m sure you’ve memorized the rule book back to front.”

Lily turned back to her desk and slammed her books roughly into her school bag. She hauled the bag onto her shoulder, shoved past an amused looking James, and stalked towards the stone archway leading away from the dungeons.

It was bad enough that he had given her a detention for dropping a vile of dragon’s blood on accident. Now, he was giving her a detention for saying a word that no one had heard in the first place.

Lily Evans took her perfect record seriously. She had never before received a detention until that moment, and she was not happy about it.

You could tell by the way she was trying to pound the floor to a pulp under her feet.

“8 p.m!” Professor Splintertoe called to her retreating back, his exclamation reverberating off the hard stone walls around her and mocking her with its repetition.

Lily gripped her snapped quill harder and sped up, stalking towards the Front Hall, her robes whipping about behind her.

If she weren’t so angry, she would have noticed the fearful looks directed her way by the lesser years as they scuttled away from her and pulled less observant friends out of her path by their collars.

An object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force: Newton’s First Law of Motion.

Lily Evans was a prime example of the proverbial ‘Object.’

It appeared that no one was too keen on representing the ‘Outside Force.’

Except for one…

“Evans!” it yelled, “Hey Evans!”

She closed her eyes and kept stomping.

“Evans! Wait up!” it yelled.

She stomped faster in an attempt to get rid of him and keep that empty cell in Azkaban devoid of a redhead for just a little longer.

But James Potter was not easily gotten rid of.

“Aw, come on Lilo,” he said once he had caught up with her, “It’s only a detention.”

The Object in Motion stayed in motion.

“Two detentions, Potter,” corrected the Object, “Two undeserved detentions. And don’t call me Lilo.”

They passed Professor Slughorn’s closed office door, and Lily shoved back a tapestry to reveal a very narrow staircase. She began stomping up that very narrow staircase as if it had done her a great wrongdoing.

The Outside Force followed her.

“Well, two detentions aren’t so bad,” it said reasonably, “I’ve had loads more than that.”

Lily snorted and kept on stomping, “Yes well, that’s because you’re a Marauder, isn’t it? You just can’t avoid breaking every rule in the book, and you’re detentions are deserved! Mine, however, are no-ARGH!”

Enter the Outside Force.

Only it turned out not to be James.

Lily Evans had just stomped directly into the trick stair halfway up the very narrow staircase, and her leg was now sufficiently buried in it up to her thigh. The broken quill had flown out of her ink-stained hand and landed a few stairs up, and her book bag had flown off her shoulder and spilled its contents haphazardly over the stairs around her.

James came to a halt behind her.

Two Objects in Motion tend to stay in motion unless acted upon by an Outside Stair…

The parchment she had used that day to copy down the ingredients for the Amortentia potion fluttered down to rest on the stair in front of Lily, face-side up, her own loopy handwriting staring up at her in mockery. She closed her eyes and counted to twenty.

“Need some help?”

Her eyes snapped open and she twisted her upper body to face James. She gave him her best eat-Dungbombs-and-die look.

“No,” she snapped, and she turned back around, braced her hands on the stair in front of her, and tugged on her leg with all her might. It didn’t move.

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?”

She threw her head back towards the ceiling in exasperation, “Yes, Potter! I’m sure!”

She braced her hands again and shoved on the stair. Her leg sunk lower. She screamed and threw the nearest book up the stairs.

(The book happened to be Advanced Potions, so it did give her a little satisfaction.)

“You need to work on your anger management skills, Lilo,” said James.

“Don’t. Call. Me. LILO!” she gritted out, tugging futilely on her buried leg grinding her teeth in frustration.

James ignored her and stepped over her head to walk up the stairs.

“Alright, then. See you around, Evans.”

Lily stared after him with a panicked expression adorning her face, her eyes widening as he reached the top of the stairs and pulled back the tapestry concealing the staircase from the view of the hall beyond. She seemed to be battling within herself, one part of her saying to save her pride and the other part saying to get her bloody leg out of the bloody stair as soon as bloody possible.

The latter part won.

She was a sensible girl, was Lily.

“Potter! Wait!”

James turned around and smirked at her, “Yes, Lilykins?”

She restrained herself from telling him not to call her Lilykins, and instead plucked up enough willpower to ask, “Can you help me?” in the most polite voice she could muster.

Which wasn’t remotely polite.

James’ smirk grew wider, “Help you with what, Lilykins?” he asked innocently.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly; she knew he was doing this to her, irking her, on purpose.

“Can you help me get out of the stair,” she said, still in her not-so-polite voice.

James cocked his head to the side and trilled, “What’s the magic woooorrrrd?”

Lily glared at him.

“Please,” she ground out.

“Certainly!” James exclaimed, and he bounced down the stairs towards her.

Lily rolled her eyes and scoffed.

One Object Not in Motion tends to stay not in motion unless acted upon by a Previous Object in Motion…

“Thanks,” she muttered as he reached the stair above her and looked down.

He beamed at her and held out his hands, “Not a problem. Grab my hands.”

She didn’t move.

“Now Lilo, how can I help you out of the stair if you don’t grab my hands?” He sounded amused.

She looked up at him. Grabbing his hands would be a bad idea. A very bad idea. Not a good idea. A bad idea.


Awful, dreadful, horrific, terrible, ghastly, atrocious, horrendous.


To be exact.

The good little voices in her head were telling her so. They were telling her that she had always avoided close proximity, let alone physical contact, with one James Potter, and that she shouldn’t start now.

James quirked an eyebrow, and a new, bad little voice entered her head and told her that he had a very cute eyebrow and that it wanted a better look at that very same cute ebony eyebrow.

The bad voice beat the good voices to a pulp, and she reached out her hands.

She briefly wondered if it was strange to think someone’s eyebrow was cute and that if she would be considered schizophrenic for listening to the ‘bad voices’… but then he grabbed her hands.

They were warm, and they were calloused from Quidditch, they were sending shocks down her arms, and they were causing her legs to turn to jelly.

Though that possibly had something to do with the fact that her legs were in generally odd positions.

But possibly not.

She decided she liked his hands even better than his cute ebony eyebrow.

Or rather, the bad little voice told her that she liked them better than his cute ebony eyebrow.

But that amounted to the same thing.

Which was that she liked his hands.

Better than his eyebrow.

That was ebony.


She wondered why she was repeating herself so much.

Then the Previous Object in Motion made the Object Not in Motion come into motion again. Or something like that.

James hoisted her leg out of the stair and hauled her up onto the same stone step as himself. She suddenly found herself pressed tightly against him, her head on his chest, her knees touching his, and her hands encircled by his larger ones.

It was what the girls in her dormitory would proclaim an “exquisitely compromising position, that.”

Her lungs stopped working, and the victorious voice in her head insisted for a better look at his eyebrow. Even though it liked his hands better.

She lifted her head from his chest and looked up at him. He was staring down at her, all amusement gone from the deep hazel eyes behind his glasses, replaced by something close to amazement and something else that she didn’t want to contemplate.

And then the book that she had thrown up the stairs slipped and banged down the stairs, toppling spine over cover and stopping at their feet. All her anger from before was renewed in full.

One Book in Motion will prevent two Objects Not in Motion from snogging in the stairwell…

The good voices in Lily’s head came back to life. ‘Run away,’ they were yelling, “Run away with much mustered haste.”

She bent down, snatched her potions book, and then hastily gathered her books and shoved them violently into her bag, intent on mustering her haste.

“I believe I just saw you handling that library book a little aggressively, dear Lilykins.”

She didn’t stop gathering her things, “What’s your point?” she snapped.

“Well it goes back to what I mentioned earlier about destruction of school property…”

Lily whirled about to face him, her hair doing the frightening halo thing again, “Would you consider yourself school property, Potter?”

James couldn’t seem to tear his gaze from the tendril of hair that had come to rest directly over her right eye, and he looked a little confused, “Well, I suppose I’m not technically schoo-HOLY HELL WOMAN! What are you doing?“

“I’m…attacking…you with…a…BOOK!” she whacked him about the head one last time and then shoved the book in with the rest of the others, “You aren’t school property, so I feel no remorse in causing destruction on your being.”

James gaped at her in shock and rubbed the back of his head where she had smacked him.

“Anger management, Lilo. I’m serious,” he muttered.

Lily screamed in frustration and stomped her foot, “DON’T CALL ME LILO!”

James stopped rubbing his head, “Ok…Lilo.” He smirked at her.

Lily growled and made to hit him again, but upon stepping forward to assemble the maximum amount of momentum behind her book, slipped on the previously mentioned piece of parchment containing her potions notes, of which she had not yet managed to stuff into her bag.

She ended up in the trick stair.


One Previous Object in Motion that had become an Object Not in Motion and had then slipped on a New Outside Force tends to fall into Previous Outside Forces…

“BLOODY EFFING HELL!” she screamed.

James looked at her in shock, “Lilo!” he exclaimed, “You cursed! Profusely! They’ll be writing this down in the history books, they will,” He wiped a fake tear from his cheek, “Oh, our little Lilykins is growing up so fast…”

Lily’s face now resembled that of a well-matured radish, and her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides, the ink spreading through the crevasses of her right palm seeping out of their ridges and making their homes underneath the tips of her fingernails.

“Get me out of this stair right now,” she hissed at him.

James put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels, a light appearing in his eyes that bode no good will for poor Lily, “On one condition,” he said.

Lily closed her eyes. Nothing Potter wanted from her could be any good.

No good.

At all.


She clenched her jaw, “And what condition might that be?”

“You have to come outside with me and work on your anger management skills. It really is unhealthy the way you deal with this. Very bad for you. And very bad for the school property around you as well…”

Lily glared at him, “It’s going to be very bad for you also if you don’t help me out of this stair right this instant.”

“I might be close to terrified if it weren’t for the fact that I have your wand,” retorted James, producing her wand from the depths of his cloak with a flourish and a rueful grin.

Lily gaped, “How…how did you…?”

“Rule number 287,” he stuck a finger into the air, “if you want something out of the target, hold his or her wand hostage.”

He smirked at her and twirled her wand between his fingers.

Lily stared.

“So, Lilo. Will I be escorting you outside to commence with our anger management lessons? Or shall I set your wand here,” he placed her wand three stairs up from her, just out of her reach, “And leave you to your own devices?”

Lily stared at her unobtainable wand for a moment before glaring at him, “I really hate you sometimes,” she said.

“Is that a yes?”

Lily glared some more, but accepted defeat and sighed in suffering, “Fine.”

One Previous Object in Motion who steals another Previous Object in Motion’s sole bargaining tool tends to become an Outside Force as well as the possessor of the power to make the Other Previous Object in Motion do whatever the Previous Object in Motion who is now an Outside Force wants. Ish.

“Jolly good!” James bounced around to the back of her and lifted her by her waist.

To the good little voices’ in Lily’s head immense relief. They weren’t entirely positive another hand-grabbing episode wouldn’t have their poor Lily doing something senseless.

Like snogging him in the stairwell because he had nice hands and a cute eyebrow.

And because they were Objects Not in Motion.

Eek. Senselessness.

Lily snatched up her bag and snapped quill and began stomping up the staircase.


Two Previous Objects in Motion, one of which has become an Outside Force in order to make the Other Previous Object in Motion once again an Object in Motion…aw, screw it. She stopped.

And she turned to face James. He was on the stair below her looking at her sternly, his arms ramrod straight by his sides.

“Back straight, soldier!” he commanded.

Lily nearly obeyed him.


Instead, she managed to roll her eyes, “Potter, cut the military act.”

James saluted her, “Ma’am, yes ma’am!” he exclaimed. He relaxed and gave her a friendly smile, “Just wanted to tell you something.”

Lily waited. He didn’t say anything.

She sighed, “And what was it you wanted to tell me?”

“No stomping.”

Lily furrowed her brow, “What?”

“You’re not allowed to stomp. First lesson in anger management.”

Lily made a frustrated sound in the back of her throat and stomped her foot fiercely, “James, I-“

“No stomping!” James exclaimed, “Not only is it bad anger management technique, it also may cause pain in the joints. Specifically the knee, hip, and ankle.”

Lily stared at him, “Joint pain?”

James nodded matter-of-factly, “Yes. Joint pain.”

Lily stared some more.

“Fine. Then what is proper ‘anger management technique?’”

James smiled, “I’ll show you when we get outside.”

And he sidled past her and started up the stairs, “Come along, Lilykins!”

She came very close to stomping her foot.

Two Objects in Motion tend to stay in motion until they get outside, whereupon stuff will happen and cause them to become Two Objects Whose Velocity was Changed by an Outside Force…

But that concerns Newton’s Second Law of Motion, which we will be getting to later.

A/N: Readers dismissed! For now...

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