Reviews on "Disowned" by the_farewell_game

Written by Anonymous on chapter #1.

(July 7th 2008, 6pm)

Interesting start, m'dear. I will continue reading...though I do have some constructive criticism, if that's okay.

The only thing that bothered me was the ending, talking about how "ravishing" and "curvy" she was and how she wore "scandalous outfits". She is, remember, only 11 years old (unless you're doing a different age limit for first year Hogwarts students...and if so you should probably state as much) and, even in the noble world, 11 year olds aren't ravishing or curvy, nor do they understand how to wear scandalous outfits.

Really, that's my only gripe...making sure the description of your characters and the things they say reflect their age, instead of getting ahead of yourself. I will continue reading, it has an interesting premise. Good luck!

-AESweeti85 (too lazy to log in)

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