Earplugs by 
ficexchange
Merry Christmas, Prachi (Twilts)!
Earplugs
BANG.
I was quite rudely awoken from my drunken stupor as Sirius threw open the door to James' flat, armed with a vial of potion, a large jug of coffee, and a box of muffins.
“Morning, girls,” he chirped, obnoxiously cheerful. He glanced at me, sprawled across the table, and snickered. “Rough night, Marlene?" Sirius asked, grinning as he bent down to tweak Lily’s nose.
"Bloody hell, Sirius," Lily groaned, groping blindly for something to throw at him. "This is inhumane."
I grunted in agreement, and snuggled into the crook of my elbow.
"I can't believe we drank that much," continued Lily’s muffled voice, voicing my very thoughts. "How could we forget the hangover potion?"
"I've no idea," Sirius replied, a hint of laughter in his voice.
“Oh, shut up, you prat,” I snapped, cracking my tired to see Sirius set his supplies on the table. I groped blindly for a muffin, and let out a thankful sigh when he shoved one into my outstretched hand.
“So where’s Jimmy?” Sirius asked as a loud crash came from the bedroom.
“I’d say he’s up,” Lily yawned, stretching, catlike. She groggily made her way to the table and poured a mug of coffee for herself, taking caution to add a liberal dose of potion.
Sirius laughed at us--too loudly, in my opinion--but my pained whimper of protest didn't quite reveal the gravity of my hangover.
"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow," James groaned, stumbling from his bedroom, rubbing groggily at his eyes, "And when I woke up, the pillow was gone."
Lily snorted into her coffee; Sirius choked on a muffin.
“Shove over, Marls,” James grunted at me as he fell into a chair. I swatted sleepily at him, and laid my head back on the table.
"James, you're hopeless," Lily laughed, and thrust her mug of coffee into his hands.
"Ah, but you can't live without me," he returned, sighing loudly once he’d sipped her drink.
She grinned at him without a word, and went to work on another hot drink.
Sirius looked at me with raised eyebrows.
What did Sirius know that I didn't?
***
"I can't believe it!" Lily huffed, slamming a file onto my desk. "He dumped me! Another one!"
I looked up at her, startled.
"I mean, what's the problem? Have I been using too much Sleekeazy's?” she asked, gesturing wildly.
“Lily--”
“Sure,” she continued, oblivious to my lack of advice, “I wasn’t particularly interested, but why am I always the one who gets dumped?”
“I--”
“I just don’t understand. Maybe I should stop dating for a while?”
“Did I hear Lily say she’s going to stop with the casual flings?” James asked, an incredulous look on his face as he peered into our office.
“That’s right, James,” she announced loudly, “I am swearing off of men.”
I snorted, and glanced at James.
“Never again will you let some ponce worm his way into your stony heart?” James crooned, eyebrows high.
“Oh, shut up,” Lily replied, rolling her eyes as she smacked his arm. “You know perfectly well what I mean.”
He shook his head, laughing.
“Lily, you’re a mess,” he chuckled.
She merely glared at him, pouting.
“You ought to come out with us tonight, James,” I interjected. “You know, another man, another shot. What are we on, Lily?” I asked, glancing at her. “Four?”
“Five,” she grumbled, and James snickered.
“Really, James, you ought to come,” I repeated.
“Eh, maybe. I think the boys plan to pick up some birds tonight,” he replied, grimacing. “Can’t abandon my mates in their time of need, can I?”
“But what about Lily?” I whined.
"Oh, come on, James," she begged, pulling on his arm. "You can do that any old night. Won’t you come out with us? Please?"
He sighed.
“Oh, all right,” he conceded. “But I may be a bit late. Sirius’ll kill me if I skip out again.”
***
A very drunken giggle escaped Lily as she toppled sideways off of her stool.
“Marlene,” she gasped, laughing, “Look!”
I glanced up, uninterested, to see James eyeing the pair of us warily.
“Hullo, Lily. Marlene,” he said by way of greeting.
“James!” Lily shouted, thrusting a glass of amber liquid at him, “Have a drink!”
He accepted the glass, and looked pointedly at me.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” I grumbled. “She got into a bottle of Ogden's.”
He glanced at her, his eyes dancing.
“Are you all right, Lily?” he asked with a laugh.
She looked at him with very bright eyes before she suddenly threw herself at him.
"Oh, James," she'd sighed, hugging him rather drunkenly, "Why can't I find a nice, handsome man like you?"
She snuggled into him, and he stared at her, looking both amused and surprised.
"Lily," he began, grinning charmingly as he tried to pull away, "I think you've a had a bit much to drink."
She looked up at him, lower lip trembling, tears beading in her eyes,--
"Merlin, Lily," I interrupted desperately, grabbing her shoulder, "I think we should go now."
"I don’t want to!" she slurred childishly, before falling into James’ lips. His eyes flickered first with bewilderment and then intense relief, and he looked rather startled as Lily abruptly broke off the kiss, and pulled him out of the door.
"Oh, hell," I choked out, staring in horror at the drastic turn my life had taken.
Sirius would never let them hear the end of it.
***
“I’m warning you,” I whispered to Sirius as we ascended the stairs to James’ flat. “It’s highly unlikely Lily even remembers what happened, so, please, don’t antagonize them.”
He grinned slyly at me; “I haven’t faintest idea what you’re talking about, Marlene. You know I have only the best interests of our friends in mind.”
I glared fiercely at him as we stepped onto the landing, all too wary of the tricks up his sleeve. The gleeful expression he wore only heightened my sense of foreboding.
With a wicked grin on his face, he rang the bell of the flat.
“Don’t embarrass--” I started, but it was too late.
"Oi, Lily!” Sirius shouted through the door, “Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?"
Lily shrieked and Sirius laughed wickedly.
The door opened quite suddenly, and James peered out, looking quite disheveled with a sheet around his waist.
“Ah,” he said delicately, eyes unusually bright, “Perhaps you should come back later.”
Bloody hell.
A/N The authors of the quotes specified in the prompt were:
"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone." (Tommy Cooper)
"Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?" (Spike Milligan)