A Runaway, a Rat, a Wolf, and a Prat: Boys Driving me into Insanity by Pheonix_Feather

I love being a muggle-born. I mean, sure, there is that whole Voldermort didn’t get hugged enough as a child and now wants to murder us thing but my family can’t come through the barrier and thus I am free.

Sweet, sweet freedom.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to be harsh. My parents are lovely. I mean my mum tends to get a little teary eyed when I have to leave and my dad makes some inappropriate jokes but they aren’t horrid. Unless you count getting drunk at family parties as horrid but I definitely don’t.

It’s just Petunia is slightly difficult. A tad judgemental. Really freaking pretentious. A complete bint, really.

You get the picture, no? She tends to make the holidays slightly uncomfortable, even more uncomfortable than Aunt Marguerite discussing her bunions while Mum gets tossed off the holiday wine and Granddad turns off his hearing aid.

Overall, I’m just relieved I can step through the barrier and pretend I come from a normal family. I’m not ashamed at all. I mean, all my mates have met the family and simply adore their oddities (but, to be frank, my mates are a bit off too). It is just nice to not have people I hardly know stop and point.

“Oy, Evans! Go out with me?”

It is nice to not have people I hardly know stop and point at my family. Pointing at me because I have a slightly insane stalker, well, I can’t help that.

“Christ, Potter! I’m not even on the train yet,” I muttered, trying to flash him a dark glare.

But, unfortunately, James Potter doesn’t really take hints. In fact, he simply grabs your bag and hauls it on the train, drags you on board, and asks you out again.

Smartass.

“You’re on the train now. So is that a yes?”

“Has hell frozen over? Has Black declared his lust for Pettigrew?” I thought that phrased my thoughts fairly well. It is quite odd really that Potter singles me out to torment.

Actually, an alarmingly large part of the female population at Hogwarts would adore to be in my position and, although I would love to blame it on some sort of brain damage, there have been no natural disasters to harm an immense number of people so perhaps he has some sort of appeal.

Psh.
“Are those conditions, Evans?” he said, still grinning maniacally and then running a hand through his ridiculous hair in what I’m guessing he thought was an attractive gesture (Which it wasn’t. I mean not at all. The boy should invest in a brush).

I really just didn’t even know how to respond at that point so I simply rolled my eyes and walked away and do you know what the git did? He called after me, “Because those could be arranged in order for a date with my Lily.”

I just kept walking away, trying to hold on to some shred of my dignity.

“Now, now, Evans, I am pretty sure your parents would object to those hand gestures.”

I said I was being dignified not classy.

At least I didn’t have to run into his stupid mates. Although Black and Pettigrew’s response to Potter assuring me conditions could be met…That could have been fairly amusing.

Black is Potter’s best mate (read: henchman) and probably the most notorious of the Marauders (which is what Potter and his three best mates call themselves. Seriously? I mean are we creating a gang or getting educated?). Black has reportedly shagged half the female student body at Hogwarts and I swear I’m not exaggerating. He probably would have shagged all of them if he weren’t afraid of doing time in Azkaban for pedophilia.

Out of the four of them, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and, of course, James Potter, Black and Potter were the notorious ladies men. Except the title had recently been given entirely to Black because, and here is where the mad hilarity of it all comes in, Potter decided he fancies me.

All of the half clothed girls in our school think I’m nutters for turning him down but I’ll give you my reasoning, honestly. I mean why wouldn’t I fancy him?

The boy is a Quidditch star and thus has a Quidditch body. He has that messy hair that girls apparently associate with just rolling out of bed and is supposed to be, I don’t know, sexy or something. He makes top marks in his classes but even the grades coupled with his glasses can’t mask his sense of humor. Sounds like a right nice bloke, right?

However, he is also an arrogant berk, to put it plainly. Also, the asking me out every ten minutes? Joke.

Black is pretty much the exact same as Potter but with a dirtier sense of humor, if that is even possible. He’s probably better looking too but I’m slightly biased when it comes to Potter’s so called good looks. Black has these grey eyes that just seem to hypnotize the entire school. I swear, even the teachers hit on him.

Lupin isn’t bad, in all honestly. He-

I had spoken way to soon. With all the distractions of stupid Potter, I had wasted those precious moments in which I could lounge around with my perfect, insane mates before the Prefects meeting. And then I walk into the Prefects compartment for the meeting, which is rubbish anyways as our Head Boy and Girl don’t do anything but molest each other with their eyes, and guess who I find in there?

“What are these wankers doing in the Prefects comparment, Remus?”

Remus Lupin, mysterious and quiet Marauder but clearly the brains behind their pranks (Actually, probably the brains behind their marks too. Ruddy cheaters.), winced but silenced the said wankers before turning to me.

He scratched the back of his neck rather awkwardly before opening his mouth to answer. I was waiting fairly impatiently but did he answer me? No. The bugger turned to his friends trying to get them to answer.

He really was my favorite of the whole lot of them but not anymore. Oh no, I had taken a new liking to Peter Pettigrew. He had smiled when I had come in and he rarely spoke. A speaking Marauder just can’t be your favorite.

Pettigrew may have been a bit of a follower but it isn’t his fault he follows a bunch of loons.

Oh. Great. Potter decided to answer.

“Waiting to see your lovely face, Evans.”

“Well,” I said, putting on my best sarcastic grin that clearly told him to bugger off, “you can see me.”

“Oh? Is Saturday a good day then?”

He has got to be kidding me. I mean even Black was rolling his eyes. “Sorry Evans, we were just leaving,” he said and promptly slapped Potter in the back of the head.

I’m going to have to start being nicer to Black.

--

During the entire meeting I was doodling and pretending to take notes, even occasionally looking up to pretend I was listening. And you know what? I probably could have run naked through the meeting and nobody would have noticed.

Which would have been good seeing as I don’t want anyone to gouge their eyes out but still…I mean the fifth years paid attention for about .03 seconds and the sixth years zoned out even faster (Marc Hedley from Ravenclaw was practically snoring).

Needless to say, I was excited, no, ecstatic, to get the hell out of their. I practically flew down the train to the compartment I always shared with my mates, completely blowing off Slughorn’s little tea party. I knew I’d found the right compartment when I heard shrieking so high pitched I half expected wild dogs to crash through the windows and maul me.

That was Brenna for you. I barely opened the door when she came crashing into me, her light brown curls choking what air supply I had. Brenna Wallace was a lovely girl but she didn’t know her own strength.

“Calm down, B! It’s only been two weeks!”

I laughed as I heard Alice’s exasperated voice. I greeted all my friends, the best mates a girl could have, and Brenna kept coming back for more.

I’d probably die without my mates. Brenna is the most exuberant nutter I’ve ever met, loud and crazy as hell. She is definitely the best girl to run your own crazy ideas by because, in comparison to her ideas, even my insanity is pretty tame.

“One day your hugs are going to crush me to death, Wallace,” I said, grinning.

“Sorry, sorry! I forget how teeny tiny you are that my big self suffocates you!”

We all snorted but she was serious. Brenna is no taller than I am and can wear all of my clothes and yet she thinks she is a freaking killer whale.

“The only way you’d crush me is if those things came loose and smothered me,” I said, indicating her breasts.

Honestly, the girl is my size in everyway but actually looks like a girl and not, say, for example, a plank of wood curve-wise. Damn her.

That effectively shut her up and I settled in, ready to dish about the holiday because, if anything happened, Brenna would know about it.

Alice looked ready to gossip too, her blue eyes gleaming mischievously as she threw her blond hair into a perfect messy bun that I was so envious of.

I mean when you combine red and curly in one person’s hair, a messy bun looks more like a fox snuggled up and died on my head.

Brenna had barely opened her mouth when our door slid open with a bang and four boys dove in, high fiving each other and completely ignoring the fact that we were there.

“What have you four done now?” Brenna asked, her voice sounding amused. Yes. Amused. Bloody traitor that she is, she actually just adores the Marauders and truly believes that I’m destined to marry Potter. Like I said, nutter.

They all jumped at her voice and turned around slowly. “Just coming to say hello to some lovely ladies,” Potter responded, winking at her. I rolled my eyes as she giggled.

“Now, now, Evans, don’t be jealous! You know you’re my favorite,” he said. And winked at me too, blowing a kiss for good measure.

Git.

“Sod off, Potter.”

He looked like he was about to open his mouth to retort but Black cut him off. “Oh, you two! You’ve got to stop with this playful banter. The sexual tension is driving me mad. I- oh fuck.”

Not only am I never again going to consider being nice to Black but I’m also going to plan his death momentarily. Although, based upon those last, oh-so-eloquent words, and then the massive crash in the corridor, I’m not the only one out for blood.

“Snivellus just won’t accept defeat, the bastard.”

Also on my hit list? Potter. He was such a bullying prat, hexing Snape through the glass door until he retreated back into his own compartment, most likely to go have a Death Eaters convention.

“Are you four ever going to leave him alone?”

The tone of my voice sounded rather harsh but I mean, honestly, grow up. My friends gave each other significant looks that I pretended not to notice. They all think I’m a madwoman to have been friends with the bastard in the first place and were glad that we finally stopped speaking last year but, honestly, it isn’t like I was defending Snape.

I was just not defending Potter.

Black whipped around, glaring at me in disbelief. “Are you still defending your ruddy boyfriend, Evans?” he said, maliciously.

“Padfoot, cut it out,” Potter said, almost threateningly. I practically snorted. The arsehole was actually trying to protect me.

“Quit acting noble, Potter. I can handle Black.”

“Don’t you dare drag James into this!”

For acting so concerned about his friend, Black sure as hell wasn’t paying him attention as he attempted to drag him out of our compartment.

“He got himself into this by trying to act like he was defending me while being a bullying-”

Black laughed derisively, cutting me off and ignoring Potter’s anger. Somebody should at least pay attention to the boy, his face was practically the color of my hair at this point.

“Bullying toe-rag? Git? Prat? Waste of space? Save it, Evans. I hear enough of your fucking insults. Christ, your such a bint sometimes, a clueless bint.”

“Fuck you!” I practically shouted. Brenna and Alice shot him dirty looks but were trying to contain me, as I’m pretty sure they thought I was going to launch myself at him and beat him to a pulp. I’m not going to lie. The idea had crossed my mind.

“Get in line,” he said bitterly and turned to Potter, “We get in too much trouble defending her, Prongs.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Black rolled his eyes and looked to each one of their faces, utterly confused, until I heard Alice’s voice. “Lily, leave it, ok?”

My mates are absolute rubbish.

“You have to be kidding me! Do you know something I don’t, Alice? Because I’m pretty damn positive I didn’t ask Potter to be a chivalrous asshole.”

Alice winced as I yelled at her but I didn’t care. Black practically screamed he was so furious but then his voice lowered to a dangerous whisper. “You might find it hard to believe, Evans, but that slimy Death Eater that you keep defending was doing a repeat of O.W.L’s. I’m sure you remember that, don’t you?”

I felt like I was in some horror movie, the expression on Black’s face was so horrid. He was inches away from my face, his words dripping in malice.

“Padfoot, shut up already.”

Black whipped his head around and I practically sighed in relief as his expression morphed into one of incredulity. He studied Potter’s face for a moment and then, as if they had come to some silent understanding, he shrugged and backed off.

I, however, was far from finished. “Stop defending me!”

Black opened his mouth to retort, ready to completely ignore the requests of his friend to keep his mouth shut, but Potter cut him off.

“Cut me a break, Evans! Not everything is about you, Evans. I’m just trying to get Sirius to back off so we can go have some of our own fun away from your stuck up, bitchy attitude.”

James Potter might have been a pompous arse but he always kept his cool, which was one of the things that infuriated me. He didn’t have a temper, always strutting about regardless of what I threw at him.

Yet, here he was, yelling and name-calling. At me, of all people. Someone needs to give this boy some social lessons because he sure as hell isn’t make much of an attempt to win my affections by calling me a bitch. Doesn’t exactly show a girl you fancy her, now does it? And I told him so.

“I wasn’t trying to say I fancied you, Evans. You tell me I’m arrogant? I’m sorry I don’t live up to your standards and I’m sorry I can’t climb up that pedestal I’ve put you on.”

He took a breath and I though he was finished, but he was just getting started.

“You’re former best friend just called you a Mudblood, insulted my entire family, and my best friends. The bastard cursed me when my back was turned. But is that justified in your eyes? Of course it isn’t because I’m the arrogant berk that you can’t stand and I can’t do anything to please you. Well guess what? I’m done, Evans.”

He was panting, his cheeks were red, and his friends were looking at him as though he had grown a second head. “I’m done. I’m done, Lily,” and he walked out.

He walked out the door and I followed him like an idiot, ignoring Black’s attempts to keep me in the compartment. He was practically running down the corridor of the train and I was struggling to keep up.

“Potter! Potter! James!!”

He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face me just as I skidded to a halt, nearly slamming into him.

“What do you want, Evans?”

His face was emotionless, having a bored like expression, but his voice was cold.

“I-I-“ was all I managed to choke out until I burst into tears.

Before I knew it, we were alone in a compartment and I was having a mental breakdown and soaking his shirt with my tears. I had antagonized and insulted him and his best mate and yet I was the one having a crying fest.

In his position, I would have thrown him out of the compartment and to the Slytherins and watched as he died a slow, painful death. But what did he do? He rubbed my back and apologized for upsetting me.

I am a horrid person.

So after eons of sobbing myself into dehydration, he bought me a pumpkin pasty and walked me back to the compartment where his friends were sitting in silence with mine, casting anxious glances at each other.

To say they were shocked when we walked in, my eyes so swollen that they looked as if killer bees had stung me, would be a bit of an understatement.

We stood awkwardly in the doorway for a moment until James spoke.

“Who wants to play Exploding Snap?”