Reviews on "Incomplete" by WinglessFlight

Written by Lyra on chapter #1.

(December 15th 2008, 5pm)

I loved the way you wrote everythin in short tenses -- it makes us feel like tehre's something missing, like the phrases are incomplete. Like everything is brokens, just like they are.
Amazing work, Angel. :)

Written by Anonymous on chapter #1.

(October 30th 2007, 8am)

Oh, my darling. This is fabulous. You are fabulous.

THIS is exactly what Remus/Sirius fics SHOULD be like (in my opinion).

I simply adore the "he was half a man", "he was less than a man", "he was more of a man" &c. &c. And of course - the "complete"-nesss. It works so wondefully with these characers.

"And there was conflict, and there was competition. And there was compromise". The reuse of this is just superb.

I could go on with everything I loved, but I don't have time, I'm afraid.

Superb

Written by bluetomatopasta on chapter #1.

(August 2nd 2007, 1am)

Oh, you. A new form, a new rhythm, a new way of writing--but still just as beautiful.

I loved the sort of syncopation that came along with the parenthetical insertions and the motifs (And there was conflict. And there was compromise).

Here, for instance: "And Sirius was incomplete, and Remus was incomplete: and they were complete." I think that may have been my favorite line, what with the mathematical parallelism. Plus there's the fact that I love to begin sentences with conjunctions.

I think you perhaps got a teensy bit too trigger-happy around the middle of the story; the (etcetera)s served to disrupt the natural flow of the story a bit because they were so frequent, especially compared to the beginning and the end of the chapter. But, also, that holds some power--the bell curve of life.

The second "Fifth year..." paragraph, you wrote "..dodged Madame Pomfrey and went to found Sirius." Should be "went to find."

let's see...I liked the contrasting!descriptions paragraph ("Remus had sandy hair and greyish skin. Sirius had aristocratic good looks and greyish eyes. They shared long fingers."). Usually I'd jump on that, saying DON'T BE SO OBVIOUS, but because you were just that, overly-obvious, you ended up achieving something subtle.

It was different. It was lovely.

_Kaye

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