Puzzle Pieces by thirty2flavors

45. First-Rate Intelligence

Word count: ~750

Characters: Lily, James

Prompt: "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

---

She found him sitting alone in the dark of the study, his back to the door, his head in his hands. His posture instantly shot a wave of disagreeable anxiety down her spine, and the coward in her considered pretending that she hadn't seen him.

James was determined, entirely determined, to be the war's optimist. He and Frank Longbottom had taken it upon themselves to be endlessly indomitable. She had once discussed with Alice if the Gryffindor in them left them permanently riding a white steed.

Still, Lily had to admit that while she hated the idea of being a damsel in distress, James' unwavering strength was a wonderful source of comfort. Seeing him now, clearly distressed, made her stomach squirm uncomfortably.

"James?" she called softly, stepping into the room.

He did not look up. For a second he did not reply, either, and her worry intensified. Then he said, "they'll figure it out, you know."

The words did not resonate with her as he clearly assumed they would. Biting her lip, she stepped closer to him. "Figure what out, James?"

"They'll figure out we've switched Secret Keepers," he explained. His head was still buried in his hands, and her heart revved uneasily as she noticed his voice was flat even as it shook.

"James," she began warily. "James, no one knows, they won't-"

"They'll go for Sirius first," he continued, "but eventually they'll realize it was a ruse, a bluff. And they'll kill him."

His voice broke and Lily shivered as she pulled her jumper tighter. She crossed the room, wrapped her arms around him from behind and rested her cheek against the side of his head. At her touch, James lifted his head from his hands in order to stare listlessly out the window.

"James -" she began, but he overrode her.

"They'll go through them all, Lily, everyone close to us, until they get to Peter. If we're lucky -" the sarcasm was barely concealed - "they'll get to him last, buying us the most time."

She moved her head in order to study his expression; it was tight and tortured and she felt horrible, not for the first time, that to protect themselves they had to use their friends as human shields. The idea did not sit well with her, but she could see in his expression that it was even harder on James.

"And what happens when they die, Lily? How do I reconcile being responsible for my best friend's death? If he dies, Lily, how can I - he's family, Lily, and Remus and Peter too, I can't --" His voice shook even more and in the light streaming in from the window his eyes were over bright.

She tightened her arms around him and pressed her lips to the side of his head over and over. "Don't, James," she murmured, "don't think like that, you can't, it won't do us any good ---"

He shook his head, his eyes shut tight against what Lily presumed to be tears. "It's not right, Lily. To save one family I've got to risk another."

She rested her head against his and held back a sigh. A part of her knew he was right - that Sirius was as good as sacrificing his life for them, Secret Keeper or not, that once the Death Eaters had killed him it'd be no time at all before they moved on to Remus and Peter, that after Sirius' death James would never be the same, plagued by guilt, that the deaths of Remus and Peter would only make it worse, and that if miraculously they, the Potters, survived, memories of the Marauders would haunt them both ...

But another part of her realized there was no sense dwelling on it, worrying about it before it happened. James and Frank had played the role of optimist for the Order many times, and in their brief moments of pessimism it was their responsibility - her and Alice and all the rest - to pull them back to their feet.

She kissed his cheek for a long moment before rested against him, temple to temple. "It's all the same family," she said softly, "and we'll come out on top, one way or another. The good guy always wins, in the end."

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