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An Epiphany by Hourglass winnerinfinitesimal

Rating: PG-13. Created: December 24th, 2006. Updated: December 24th, 2006. Read Reviews (13)
Disclaimer: Characters, the magical world, etc, is property of J. K. Rowling and Warner Bros, not the owner of this fic.

 

You're inside of James's head, so it's supposed to be vague.

And yes, I’m supposed to be updating ‘Infinite’.

Shhhh!

 

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He knows it’s dumb, because it’s Christmas Eve and his friends are all outside getting sick with cold and too much laughter, but he can’t stop crying.

He hasn’t cried like this in a very long time, but that doesn’t make him feel like any less of a wimp (especially since he feels like this is all he’s been doing lately, crying). It’s just that it’s Christmas Eve and his mother is dead and he’s forgotten to get Lily Evans a present. He can’t believe it. Months and months of planning, and here he is, crying, alone, on the bathroom floor.

It’s true that he never saw the attack coming, and it’s true that with things like his mothers funeral and final exams and his favorite quidditch team losing the World Cup, he has plenty of reasons to forget about something as small as buying a Christmas present. But this was supposed to be it! This was supposed to be the moment, the look on her face under the mistletoe, coming closer, closer, closer, the epiphany of love, this was supposed to be it.

But here he is instead, on the dirty bathroom floor, on Christmas Eve. He looks up at his reflection in the spotted mirror (god, what a mess!), and he knows it’s dumb, but his body heaves and a sound like a wounded animal comes out of his mouth.

He thinks, fuck, I didn’t even get her a card, and he sniffles, and he stands as he tries to pull himself together, piece by piece.

But Lily can tell right away that he’s been crying, of course. He thinks to himself that he was always Mum’s open book, and he has to blink away the thick shield of tears quick because there she is, and she’s coming closer. Not because he’s ashamed to cry in front of her, but because she’s so fucking beautiful that he can’t stand the thought of missing a single inch of her behind a stupid wall of tears.

“James,” She says, and the sound is muffled, like she’s at the other end of a tunnel.

And all he can think of is that one time in second year when she got bit by one of Sprout’s stupid plants and how she had cried and how he had come after class and shred the stupid thing to pieces with a pair of garden shears.

All he can think of is how she reads books at dinner with her fork constantly missing her mouth, and how she’s looking at him right now, like she’s going to hug him or kiss him or shake him until he’s better again.

All he can think of is that his Mum had always liked Lily, because she has spirit and she's kind and she had kicked James so hard when he had whistled at her at the train station last year, and his Mum had laughed and laughed.

“Lily,” He says. And he doesn’t mean it to come out all choked like that but he's crying again, and he knows he isn't going to be able to stop. “I forgot to get you a present.”

But he doesn’t care anymore, because it’s Christmas Eve and this is the moment, the look on her face as she reaches up and wipes away his tears, coming closer, closer, closer, the epiphany of love, this it it.

 

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fin

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