Reviews on "His Last Option" by Madame_Meow

Written by nickelei on chapter #1.

(July 28th 2007, 6pm)

Your short story [u]His Last Option[/u] was defiantly an interesting one. I enjoyed the way you described many of the different aspects within it. The story itself was however fast paced and when they started to kiss it seemed a little unrealistic.

When Malfoy first entered the compartment I noticed how you used the detail about his eyebrow being elegantly raised which I thought was a nice touch. It made me think about their facial expressions. Both of the boys anger seemed to be genuine, and it was also how I could see them both reacting to the situation. They were both losing people they loved and their last resort was violence. That violence however ended up turning into more.

The story was very quick paced. With more detail put into it, and maybe more into what they were both thinking at the time you could have easily lengthened the story. At first it was almost as if Draco started to kiss Harry so that Harry wouldn't attack him anymore. Which would have been a strange way to act, but it worked. However I didn't find the whole meeting being planned at the end very believable. They seemed as if they wanted to murder each other a few seconds before then they were just reduced to horny boys.

I mentioned earlier when you used detail you used it in small ways so that it stood out. Your word choices are also very fitting to the story such as 'You put my father in prison!" he roared, losing his composure immediately.' The words flowed very well within the story, and made it more gripping to read.

With your next stories and chapters I would just suggest creating more time for your plots to play out. It was an interesting plot it just seemed to move to quickly to be believable.

nickelei
[[Member, UR.org Review Team]]

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